two nights and two cities

It's 9:22pm and the Coffee Oasis just became quiet. I wish you could have stood with me tonight. There are many things that are hard understand when you sitting with people who have lost everything except for their pulse. Here are a few of the conversations I had today:

"Have you ever experienced warm death? You have never been homeless. I wish someone would just put me out of my misery. I am not suicidal, just in pain." She has been coming into the shelter regularly the last weeks that we have been open. They tell us the hard things because we care. Paul said that the apostles were people that were put upon public display because of their bold faith. I live and work with apostles. Everyday we hear what no one wants to hear because we take the time. They are not merely social workers. They have hearts that are soft and break.

...I was just called back to the carpetted side of the room. There is a mom with three kids ages 14, 7, and 6. Earlier the 14 year old was reading a book from school, but she told me that she is not much of a reader. She has the appearance of a very winsome girl for her age. Tonight she is sleeping on the floor of the Coffee Oasis. I apologize that I have nothing better. The large man from Guam smiled and told me that this was the best thing he could imagine. I feel like a father tonight. All my senses are heightened. You feel ready to defend and speak tenderly at the same time. There are two guys that have been disrespectful and causing me trouble. One mutters threats under his breath. I stayed in the back tonight longer than usual after lights out just so the kids would feel safe. I could see them looking around the room and resting their eyes on me looking for assurance that they are safe.

Earlier in the day I had an hour long talk with a 60 year old man who spent the last 30 year of his life addicted to dope. Both him and his girlfriend came to church on Sunday and he wanted to sit down and find out how he could volunteer. His eyes sparkled when he spoke about how much clearer his mind was now that he was clean, "there is a youthfulness. And you wouldn't believe it: I read my Bible and throughout the day God reminds of little things that I read."

The day began differently. By the request of one of the men that attended church yesterday I visited him and his girlfriend in Bremerton's hospice. Last Tuesday Lisa was given 2-7 days to live. She could not respond, and only fluttered her eyes when we prayed over her. There was indescribable peace in the room. When I talked with my dad about the situation later he told me, "D. has been learning a lot about love. He has been learning how to give it even when he is not receiving." As we prayed D. stroked the arm of his girlfriend telling her how beautiful she looked and how much he loved her. And there was peace.

I woke up this morning very refreshed. I needed preparing for this day.

Last night after a staff training in Port Orchard I ran to catch the ferry to Seattle to visit a friend whose parent had just arrived from Germany. The friend who went with me on the ferry asked me, "Daniel, what keeps you going?" (As many of you know, a cabin in the woods would suite me just fine:) "I know that I am loved," I told him. Galatians 2:20 is my joy, my life, my all.

In Seattle last night I flew up the elevator to the top of the Spaceneedle with a group of friends. Every 47 minutes the you spin 360, seeing miles in every direction. The ferries look like bathtub boats at that dizzying height. I am left to marvel at the difference between sipping hot butter rum, spinning atop the world with friend that I love and make me laugh, and sitting in a dark coffee shop praying over 12 people that have come here to be protected for one night. The only way I can marvel and not be overwhelmed is because I am loved. I knew today that I needed to be loved and not just love, I didn't have enough (ha! and I really enjoy love). I thought of the mountains and being with friends. To be honest I do not dream of working in these uncomfortable places. When I dream I think of flyfishing and campfires, throwing a football in the late spring, and large slices of watermelon. But the truth is that we do not live in a time of peace. There is a war for the hearts, minds, souls, and bodies of people and I cannot be passive. Love has bid me come...so I go....