for whom? here? please!

"Some glad morning when this life is o'er/ I'll fly away." There was always the sound of jumping when I played that song in Pullman. Maybe because Caesar Paul was always jumping and because it is a happy thing--one day we will fly away! Most people find themselves in the unsettling paradox that they do not look forward to death--no, that would be morbid--but they also do not look forward to life--that would be hopeful, and we have all been hurt by unmet hopes and dreams. As I studied for the sermon this Sunday I found my own heart aching, caught by another paradox. You see, I am so so so happy to be loved by God. I have felt so sure lately, so loved. Sure like the way you should feel about getting married. I am so happy to wake up and say, "I do," to God in the morning. There is an ache though. I feel it even now. It is a drawn soberness. There are people numbering in the hundreds (I do not exaggerate) that have come into the coffee shop in the last decade that have walked out an never met Jesus. They may have seen Him, but they did not leave leaping, carrying their mats. We have been at it long enough to see a generation come and go, with only a few saved. Even now they come, homeless from all corners of Bremerton, kids from different school districts, gays and gang-bangers, hippies and medieval-wannabes, and the normals too. "Raindrops of mercy are falling, but for the showers we plead."

"What can be given in exchange for a soul?" Would you give five minute to pray? I'll make the Abrahamic bargain: what about ten? 15? For one soul? For two? For a child being raised by a prostitute. For a girl who has to find creative ways to stick herself with needle because the typical spots are infectious. For a bum who can't stop boozing. For a fatherless young man who can't find a job or a place to live, and who is beginning to realize that God is a father. For a man who won't look you in the eye because he is so scared of himself. For me who wants to worship in the midst of it all. "Be still and know that I am God. I WILL be exalted among the nations, I WILL be exalted in the earth" (Psalm 46). What about here, God? Even here? Show everybody, God. Just like you showered down fire on Elijah's altar of rough, uncut rocks, shower down here.

Please pray for me as I prepare to teach this Sunday. Those who have had the challenge of being close to me know that I can sometimes carry a very serious demeanor while preparing for a sermon. It always feel the weightiness of the undertaking. The days can carry a unique contentment, along with a unique loneliness. I get antsy when I study, as if the material is too rich for my soul. And it is strange how hard it is to share those riches. I often have to pace. It is a time set apart. Pray that I will think clearly and love well.

"Just a few more weary days and then/ I'll fly away."